Marriage of Chaos
by gunman
Summary: While attempting to get his Roanapur residency, Rock gets the shock of his life when he finds out he is married... to Revy!
1. Chapter 1

_**MARRIAGE OF CHAOS**_

by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own Black Lagoon or it's characters.

Summary: Rock gets the shock of his life when he finds out he is married... to Revy!

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(Bougainvillea Trading Company, late evening Monday.)

"Is there anything else, Boris?" Balalaika asked, bored, as she set down the stack of papers. _This is so tedious! I wish Rock was here to manage this._ She thought. Then another thought came to her mind. _I wonder if I could hire him on as my permanent staff? It's not like my previous secretaries and assistants were much better. Especially when they thought they could cheat me!_ She thought with exceptional irritation.

"Actually, there is one last bit of business, captain." Boris said as he set a file down in front of her.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Official Residency papers." he said.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she groaned. "Why would you bring such an unimportant piece of paper to my attention? I'm not a damn bureaucrat!"

However this was not exactly true.

Because Roanapur was basically a city of crime and vice, the major cartel leaders, such as Balalaika, were often looked-to and called-upon to deal with certain issues that pertained to their welfare and livelihood. This included 'affairs of state', which was the situation right now.

"Because it concerns Mr Okajima." Boris said.

That got the Russian woman's attention. "What?"

"He filed for residency about two months ago, shortly after his joining the Lagoon Couriers."

Balalaika looked at the document and brooded over it.

_This is no good! Roanapur may be a hive of criminal activity, but there are certain things that have to follow a set procedure, in order to be 'legal'. It'll take weeks to get this properly filed, especially since there are other people in line for residency and given that Japan has already declared him dead. Like that matters. I could easily push him to the front of the line, but unless there was some special... wait!_ She gasped as something in the fine print caught her eye. She grinned evilly, so much so that Boris backed up when she saw it.

"Uh... captain?" he asked the woman.

"Boris! I have a way to process this faster. If we hurry, we can get Rock's approval by tomorrow."

"Really? So soon? But how?"

She smiled again, which made the battle-hardened Russian sergeant balk.

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(The Streets of Roanapur, just before noon Tuesday)

"GOD DAMN IT ROCK! STOP RUNNING!!" Revy shouted as she charged down main street, guns in hand and her quarry in sight.

"Not Until You Stop Trying To Kill Me!" Rock shouted as he leaped over a fruit cart to avoid tripping over it or crashing into it. He just couldn't afford to slow down now.

Through the streets of Roanapur, Rock continued running as everyone around hit the dirt when they saw Two-Hands coming. The Japanese salaryman did his best to avoid the more densely populated areas, mostly by ducking down alleyways and side streets. However, this put him down the narrow corridors where Revy's bullets would have a more efficient time striking their target. Despite this, he kept running.

Eventually Revy cornered Rock in an alley and had a gun pressed up against his temple.

"Tell me why you did it!" she growled at him.

"I didn't!" he replied.

"LIAR!" she snapped.

"Revy, please! Do you really think I would do something like this to you without telling you first?" he asked as he stared straight into her eyes.

Revy's eyes didn't waver as she stared hard into his soft brown spheres. Her gun hand started to shake, and eventually dropped to her side.

"No... you wouldn't." she said, feeling her killing intent drain from her body. "But I still want to know how _we_ ended up **married**!"

"You're not the only one." he said as he walked up close to her, sure she wouldn't kill him. At least now, anyway.

Just then the Roadrunner pulled up next to the alley entrance.

"Well. Looks like Revy hasn't killed him yet." Dutch said from the passenger seat of the red car.

"Wonder what Rock said to save his bacon this time?" Benny wondered, a pair of pale blond-haired children popping their heads out from the back seat of the car.

"Don't know. But considering why she was chasing him, it had to have been a whopper!" Dutch replied as the two people in question started walking back to the car.

"Is daddy alright?" Gretel asked as she stared outside the back window.

"Yeah, kid. Daddy's fine." Dutch nervously answered the pale-faced girl behind him.

_And so's mommy, apparently_. Benny thought with a chuckle.

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It started when Rock's papers for being an official citizen in Roanapur came in the morning mail. At first Rock was glad that his residency had finally been approved, until he realized why it had been approved so quickly. Apparently there was a proviso in the documentation which stated that anyone seeking residency in Roanapur could become a full citizen quicker... if they were married to someone who was already a resident.

And since Rock was a member of the Lagoon Couriers a majority of the time, the person he was in constant contact with overall, who was female, was Revy. So as a result... Rock and Revy were named an official married couple.

What made this worse, was that Revy also received a letter in the mail the same day stating that she and Rock were now a legally married couple.

Even though she didn't find out about this until noon, when she finally woke up, the second she read her own mail, she hit the roof.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'MARRIED'?" Revy gasped as she crumpled the letter in her hand.

"Married. As in, 'Tying The Knot', 'Walking Down The Aisle', Rings, Vows, Bouquet, Cakes, Honeymoon..." Benny explained.

"I Know What MARRIED Means!" Revy shouted at computer geek. "I Mean... Why Are _We_ Married?!" she shouted at Rock.

"I don't know why or how, but... I think this is legit." Rock said as he showed her his paper.

"We're In Roanapur! Nothing Is 'Legit'!" she snapped.

"Well then how do you explain this?" he asked.

"Only... one... way!" she said as she pulled her guns. "You Did This!"

"Uh-oh." Rock gasped as he quickly bolted out of the office.

This had lead to a spirited chase across the city with Revy finally cornering Rock and demanding answers. Rock managed to pull his fat out of the fire once again by convincing Revy that he had nothing to do with this. Of course, this left the real question of who was responsible open to them.

The Lagoon Traders spent the rest of the day going to all their contacts for answers and a possible way out. Revy and Dutch went to Hotel Moscow, The Triads, even the Church of Violence, but they couldn't give the pair a straight answer.

Eda actually wanted to shoot Revy the second she found out she and Rock were married. Revy actually took some pleasure from that, seeing the blond nun frustrated at what had happened to her.

Rock and Benny went to all the regular authorities, which weren't many, even Police Chief Watsap, but they are no help to the salaryman.

The only thing that Rock managed to find out, was that because the criminals basically ran the city, most of the bureaucratical business was handled by the heads of the major criminal organizations. Sort of like a criminal city council.

And from that... Rock came up with the only logical answer to the whole thing.

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"BALALAIKA?" Revy gasped once the Lagoon Traders were assembled back at their office.

"It has to be." Rock said as he went through his hand-written list of potential suspects who could have the authority, and cause, to get the both of them married.

"But why?" Revy asked.

"Well... based on what Chief Watsap told me, Roanapur has a city council comprised of the heads of the major cartels." Rock said.

"Right. We already knew that. So?"

"So... if you look at it from a business standpoint, I have been rather useful to Hotel Moscow and several other cartels. Not to sound conceited or anything, but it would be in their best interest to keep me in Roanapur. And the best way to do that..."

"Would be to process your residency papers as quickly as possible." Dutch deduced.

"But why get him married to Revy?" Benny asked.

"Because my residency gets approved faster if I'm married to someone who is already a resident of Roanapur. And since I work for the Lagoon Traders..." Rock explained.

"Oh. Guess that makes sense. But what a bomb to drop on someone." the computer geek groaned.

Off to the side, sitting at a table, doing their homework, the preteen assassins known as Hansel and Gretel looked over at the group of conversing adults.

"So... does this mean that Revy is our mother?" Gretel asked her brother.

"I think so." Hansel said to his sister.

"Oh God!" Revy gasped as she realized the implications that her 'marriage' to Rock entailed, which included a certain pair of preteen assassins.

Some time ago, Rock had adopted the twin assassins after he had stopped them from killing both Balalaika and Mr Chang on orders from their boss, the Italian mafioso Verrocchio. Since then the salaryman had been like the kind and nurturing father the pair never had. But as a result of this whole residency-thing, if they considered Rock to be their father, it meant that Revy was now their mother.

On the upside, while they both adored Rock like a real father, and it was a good idea to be on their good side, the downside to this whole thing was that the pair were still psychologically unbalanced at times and could snap at any given moment. This made even Revy balk.

Rock continued to ignore this problem and treated them like 'normal' kids. He figured by doing this there was less chance they would revert to their old ways.

"Mommy, can we go shopping?" Gretel asked, grabbing Revy by the hand and tugging on it.

Revy stared in both shock and horror as the preteen girl stared up at her. It wasn't that Gretel was smiling, which creeped Revy out a bit, it was more from the fact that she was actually touching her. Though Revy was apprehensive about being around the girl, having seen her in action, it was more from the fact that Revy herself didn't have any real experience with children.

"You know, it would probably be a good idea for you two to get to know each other better." Rock said to his new wife.

Revy glared at the salaryman, remembering what the twins had gone through to make them psychotic before coming to Roanapur.

"Not like that, Revy." Rock said.

"What do you want me to do? Take her shopping for groceries, buy her a pretty pink dress, and then maybe some ice cream on the way home?" Revy snapped at the man.

"That's a good idea." he said simply.

"I Was Being Sarcastic!" she shouted.

"I know, but it's still a good idea." he replied.

"GRRRRRRRRRR!!"

"Mommy?" Gretel asked the older woman.

"Let's go!" Revy snapped as she grabbed Gretel's hand and pulled her out of the office.

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The citizens of Roanapur were treated to a rare sight that day. The sight of Revy Two-Hands walking down the street, a bag of groceries in her right hand, a certain pale-haired girl tugging on her left.

_I don't believe this! I'm MARRIED... with Children!_ Revy groaned as Gretel stopped at an open vendor clothing store where she saw a dress in her size.

A pink dress.

"Mommy? Can I have that one?" Gretel asked as she pointed to the dress.

_I wonder if Al Bundy ever wanted to kill someone?_ She wondered as she looked at the dress and then back down to the girl. "Ugh! Well... I did promise you, didn't I?" she said.

Revy paid for the dress and gave it to Gretel to carry as they headed to the local ice cream parlor.

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"Daddy! Daddy! Look what mommy got me!" Gretel cried out as the pair returned from shopping.

Revy followed the girl through the door, looking mildly depressed and semi-sad.

"You look like hell." Dutch said to Revy. "What happened?"

"Balalaika hates me, I just know it." she groaned.

"Now Revy..."

"Well, then, why did she get me married to Rock?"

"You'd of preferred it to be someone else married to him?" he asked.

She shot him an irritated expression, but couldn't find one thing to say in response. Letting out a defeated sigh she walked into the kitchen with her grocery bag and set it down on the counter.

"Revy?" Rock said as he entered the kitchen.

"Yes, dear?" she said in a sharp, sarcastic tone.

"Stupid question: is everything alright?"

"Yes, it's a stupid question. No, nothing is alright."

"Because this isn't where you saw yourself, is it?"

"You mean being married with kids? No. It isn't."

"I wish there was something I could do to make things up to you." he said.

"Oh, believe me, I want to blame you for this!" she snapped. "But... it would be a hollow lie and we both know it. So please, just... leave me alone for now."

"Right." he said and started to walk out of the kitchen. "Oh, Revy. Before I forget. I, uh... got this for you while you were out." he said, leaving a small box on the kitchen counter.

Once Rock was gone, back to where Gretel was modeling the dress Revy had gotten her, she opened the small box and gasped.

It was a diamond ring.

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Authors Notes:

Sorry about the shortness of the chapter. At the time I was writing this, I couldn't really think of a lot of things to put into this story. I mean the basic idea was to get Rock and Revy married.

However, I'm gonna need some suggestions on what to do from this point on. One of my idea's include trying to get Hansel and Gretel into school or something equally 'normal'. Anyone have any ideas for this story, let me know.

Other than that, enjoy the read and leave me a good review.


	2. Chapter 2

_**MARRIAGE OF CHAOS  
**_by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own Black Lagoon or it's characters.

Summary: Revy tries to deal with her life as a 'married with children' woman.

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Chapter 2  
**Married With Children Pt 1**

It was after midnight and in her room at the Lagoon Trader's Company, Revy Two-Hands tossed her 17th beer can against the wall.

_Damn you, Rock! DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU!_ Revy mentally screamed as she stared at the gold ring with a diamond in it, pinched firmly between her pointer finger and thumb. _Why? Why do you have to be such a nice guy? You can't just be an asshole trying to kill me. That I could live with. But you have to be a nice guy who tries to find my human side. I just.... I just...._

Wrapping her hand around the ring, she brought her legs up to her chest, bringing her head against her knees and for the first time since she could remember... she cried.

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"Good night, daddy." the pale-haired girl said from her bed.

"Good night, Gretel." Rock said, kissing her forehead gently.

"Good night, daddy." the pale-haired boy said from his bed.

"Good night, Hansel." Rock said, ruffling his hair with his hand.

Rock left the pair's room and walked down the hallway. On his way, he stopped in front of Revy's room. A slight worry overtook him and he knocked on the door.

"Revy? Revy, are you alright?" Rock asked.

"Go Away!" Revy shouted back from the other side of the door.

"Revy, it's Rock! What's wrong?" he repeated.

"I Said, 'Go Away'!" she shouted.

"I'm coming in!" he said, gripping the doorknob.

"I'm Drunk, Pissed Off, And I Have A Gun!" she stated.

"Right, good, see you tomorrow." he said, backing away from the door.

He was halfway down the hallway, when his compassion got the better of him, causing him to go back to her room.

"Revy... I'm coming in!" Rock said.

"Your funeral." Revy hissed.

Pushing the door open, Rock walks into the room and gasps slightly.

Revy is sitting in the corner. Gun in her right hand, beer cans scattered around her, and her left fist tightened across her bended knee.

"Revy... what's wrong?" Rock asked.

"This." she said, opening her hand, revealing the ring.

"Oh. I... I didn't think you'd be so upset over that. It just seemed... like the right thing to do." he said.

"Yeah. Whatever." she said, sniffling a little.

The pair were frozen in silence for what seemed like hours, the seconds weighing on them heavily. It was then that Revy broke the silence.

"Sit down before you fall down." she snapped.

Rock sat down next to Revy and the pair talked. Revy didn't let go of her gun the whole time.

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Revy and Rock talked long into the night, Rock doing most of the talking. His main problem was that he wasn't sure where to start, or what problem he should be addressing. So he just talked. Revy eventually passed out from his talking, leaving Rock to place a blanket over her before going back to his own room.

The next morning Revy showed up for breakfast, the ring in a chain around her neck.

Rock saw it and nodded.

_At least she's wearing it._ he thought.

Revy didn't talk to anyone through the whole meal.

Once breakfast was done, Rock sent Hansel and Gretel off to school.

"Now remember what I told you." Rock said to the pair.

"Don't kill the teachers." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the students." Gretel said

"Don't kill the lunch lady." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the janitor." Gretel said.

"Don't kill the hall monitor." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the librarian." Gretel said.

"Don't kill the principal." Hansel said.

"Don't kill the vice-principal." Gretel said.

"Right." Rock said.

"Bye, mommy!" the pair said.

"I'm never gonna get use to that." Revy groaned.

Rock and Benny drove the kids to school and then came back to pick up Revy and Dutch.

They had a meeting with a certain Russian woman.

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(Bougainvillea Trade Company)

The Lagoon Traders had been called to Balalaika's office for a new job. A fairly simple job, but one that was not without risk.

Rock was going over the details on the contract Balalaika had provided, Benny was wondering what tech he'd need for the job, and Dutch was hoping he had enough time to get the Black Lagoon fueled and properly prepped.

Revy is the last one out.

"Something wrong, Revy?" Balalaika, real name Vladilena, asked the woman.

"You hate me, don't you?" Revy said, getting right to the point.

"Why my dear, whatever gave you that idea?" the Russian woman asked.

Revy held up the ring that was around her chain necklace.

"Ooh. How sweet. Rock proposed."

"It's a little hard to propose when you're already married."

"I suppose it is at that."

Realizing she wasn't going to get much out of the older woman, Revy left.

About ten seconds later, Balalaika burst into laughter.

This was the most fun she had had in years.

Without torturing anyone.

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(Three Hours Later)

The job had gone off without much trouble. Revy had only killed two people this time. A real record for her.

The group was back at the office just a little past noon when the phone rang.

"Lagoon Couriers." Rock said, answering the phone. "Hansel? What's wrong?"

At hearing the boys name, and Rock's tone, Revy dropped her magazine and came over to the desk. It's not that she was concerned for the kids, it's just that they wouldn't be calling if it was trouble they couldn't handle. And even Revy couldn't imagine the kind of trouble they couldn't handle.

"What's wrong?" Revy asked.

"Trouble at the school." Rock said.

"Trouble? For those two?"

"Yeah. You're gonna love this."

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A small army of mercs had taken the local school hostage, hoping to extort money and even control from the various criminal cartels whose children went there.

Inside, Gretel had caused a distraction enabling Hansel to telephone Rock at the Couriers office.

But after he had called the office, he had dipped into the principals 'Confiscated Property' box and had returned to his twin sister.

"Brother! Father said no killing." Gretel said as he handed her the weapons he had found.

"True. But these men don't work for the school. Do they?" Hansel stated.

Gretel smiled as he said that.

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The Roadrunner came to a stop outside the school, where Chief Watsap and his men had the building surrounded.

"What's the situation?" Revy asked.

"Bunch of mercs got the place all locked up. A couple dozen kids that didn't get away are their hostages." the fat chief said.

"How many mercs?" the woman asked.

"Don't know. Maybe a dozen, at least." Watsap said.

"Nice odds." she said, checking her guns.

"And let me guess: they want something from their parents." Rock said.

"Control. Or so they said." the large man said.

"Nothing else?" Revy asked.

"Money, jewels, guns. You know, the usual." Watsap said.

"They want guns, huh?" Revy grinned, pulling her Beretta 92FS's with the extended barrels. She loaded her clips into both weapons, cocking the slide back so that there was a bullet already in the chamber. "Then let's give them guns!"

"Revy. Are you planning to..." Rock started to say as Revy holstered her guns.

"Yes." Revy said.

"..do what I..." Rock continued to say.

"Yes!" Revy snapped as she got into the front seat of the Roadrunner.

"..think you're going to..." Rock continued talking.

"YES!" she barked. "Now get in this car and buckle up!"

"Revy, we need to find Hansel and Gretel!" he said, getting into the passenger seat.

"Relax, Rock! Those two can take care of themselves." she said as he buckled up.

"Maybe, but we should still find them."

"Alright. We will."

"Really? Okay, but how? We don't know where they are inside that place."

"That's easy. We'll just listen for the sounds of men dying."

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Inside the school, chaos was reigning.

Hansel was twisting through the air and hurling his acquired knives at several of the mercs, killing them in an instant.

Gretel, now armed with two small Taurus Millennium series .45 ACP's and a couple of spare clips, was running from behind desks and firing at the mercs, striking three of them in one full pass of the classroom.

"Get Those Freaking Kids!" one of the mercs shouted as he fired his AK-47 at them once more.

The pair ducked behind a large teachers desk.

"Brother. Are you out?" Gretel asked.

"Yes. The throwing knives and switchblades are all spent. You?"

"One clip. For two guns." She said. "And it is only half filled."

"Don't worry. Father and mother will be here soon." Hansel stated.

Suddenly, the mercs sprang from around the table, aiming their machine guns at the children.

"How soon?" Gretel asked, dropping the gun and raising her hands.

Suddenly, the entire classroom shook as The Roadrunner exploded through the windows of the room, slamming into dozens of desks and shocking the heck out of the mercs themselves. Without missing a beat, the drivers side door flew open and a woman with raven-black hair, a black tank top, cut-off shorts, and black combat boots, leapt out with guns blazing, striking two of the mercs before they could react.

"Who the hell is that bitch?" one of the mercs shouted.

"Who cares! Get her!" the lead merc shouted, aiming his gun at the woman.

"Oh, bring it on, baby!" Revy grinned as she rolled through the decimated chairs and desks.

Revy fired again and again, until the mercs had either run off or were hiding. Spotting a merc whose leg, arm, shoulder and chest were oozing blood, Revy reloaded her Beretta's and walked over to him.

"Who the hell are you?" the man croaked.

"I'm their mother!" Revy said, glaring at the man, and pointing to the two children behind the desk.

The man pissed himself before passing out.

Meanwhile, Rock, who had noticed all this, slowly got out of the car and wandered over to where Hansel and Gretel were hiding. Before he could get to them, one of the mercs popped back into the class and shoved a gun into Rock's face.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't blow your head off?" the man hissed.

Having had guns in his face before, Rock was undaunted. He looked at the man before remarking, "I'm their father." as he gestured with his head to the two children behind the desk.

The man looked at Rock, then at the boy and girl who had taken out his teammates.

_If he's their father.... I haven't got a chance in hell of taking him!_ He panicked, then dropped his gun and took off in a dead run away from them.

Sun Tsu would have been proud.

"What was that all about?" Revy asked, walking up behind the salary man.

"Oh, nothing." Rock said.

"Good. Now, kids?" Revy asked the pair.

"Yes, mother." the pair responded.

"We've got some housecleaning to do." Revy said, her weapons reloaded.

"Yes, mother." the pair replied, picking up their weapons, and the mercs weapons as well.

"Wait a minute!" Rock said.

"What?" Revy asked.

"Where did you get those weapons?" Rock asked the pair, mainly of the weapons that were already imbedded within the various mercs.

"From the school's 'Confiscated Property' box." Hansel replied.

"Oh. Okay." Rock said, relaxing.

With that the salary man sent the kids, and their' mother', on their way.

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(Two hours later)

"Do you have any idea how bad this is?" Benny asked, still complaining about the damage to the car.

"Ahh! Can't you stop sounding like a broken record?" Revy snapped at the computer geek. "It's not like we can't afford replacement parts and repairs."

"Especially since the other crime families owe us for getting their kids out of mercenary hands." Rock said. "It'll be fine."

"So... why are we here at the 'Church of Violence'?" Benny asked as they pulled up to the Catholic church/front in the rumbling Roadrunner.

"Because... we need someone to offload these weapons to." Rock said, holding up one of the machine guns taken from the now dead mercs.

"So? What's the plan?" Benny asked.

"We'll go talk to Yolanda and Eda. Can you watch Hansel for a little while?" Rock asked.

Benny looked at Hansel and gulped. "With both eyes!" he said.

As Rock, Revy and Gretel walked into the church, Revy poked at Rock's shoulder.

"Why did you want Hansel to wait outside?" Revy asked.

"Because the last time he was left alone with Eda, well... let's just say she doesn't want to see him anytime soon." Rock replied.

The trio walked into the main parlor, where Yolanda was having tea while Eda was standing next to her.

"Welcome. Please, sit." Yolanda said to the trio.

Rock sat down on the far-edge of the couch, directly across from Yolanda. Gretel sat next to him and Revy sat down on the end of the couch.

It wasn't long, however, until Eda noticed the ring around Revy's neck, and quickly drew her Glock 17L on her. Revy reacted and drew on Eda. However, what none of them expected, was the pale-haired girl quickly jerking her hand out, a small gun appearing in her hand, it's barrel aimed at Eda.

"NOT FAIR!" Eda shouted.

"You're kidding, right?" Revy asked.

Yolanda just looks amused as Rock sweat-dropped.

_This is going to be a long meeting._ Rock thought.

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Authors Notes:

Some of this seemed a little rushed to me. But I hope no one complains about it too much. It's been more than a year since I updated this story so I hope everyone appreciates it.

I'm not sure what to do about the next chapter. Either an after sports activity, or school function. Something which can get under Revy's skin.

Also, some of you might have noticed that Revy is calling Hansel and Gretel 'kids' rather easily. That's because she's slowly getting used to them being around. She considers them like family just as she does Rock, Benny and Dutch.

Hope that answers some questions.

And as always, leave me lots of reviews.


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